Scripture: "He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth." Isaiah 53:7
I have been going through a difficult time lately. To be honest, I feel that my entire adult life has been difficult, but the past 3 years have been more difficult. It would be too personal to go into the specific details, but suffice it to say that my earthly existence, financially, has been spiraling downward in spite of all my efforts to salvage it. To make matters worse, I own a business which God has tremendously blessed and continues to bless, so I'm working really hard and still making good money but, nonetheless, find myself unable to stop the bleeding.
I've grown increasingly frustrated and angry as I watch my boat (my life) sinking. I want to blame someone. As I become more frustrated and angry, I have also become more impatient and short with others. My relationship with God has suffered, since, obviously I'm not moving in a more godly direction. I have sat many nights and early mornings in my regular place of meeting with God and simply cried, "Oh God, help me!" Deep down, I know that I've done all that I can do and that God is trying to answer earnest prayers that I prayed a long time ago. I have asked him, back in the day, to do whatever it takes to tear down every idol in my heart. I have told him that I want to truly know Him and come to real Christian maturity no matter what he has to do. I have begged God to allow me to see as he sees and to see myself as he sees me. I told God, I want to take the narrow path. I want to become more and more like Jesus. I told him, I want to lose my life for your name's sake. Now it has taken a few years, but I understand from God's instruction about self preservation and "coming out from the world and being separate". I see now how I've loved this world and tried to blend my Christianity with the world's definition of success. The reality of it is plain from my carnal anger that has surfaced as my life has been declining into what the world might call "failure".
Just a few days ago, my husband sent me on an errand for him. He operates a deer processing business and he often makes deer sausage. He purchases his spices from a local meat packing facility that processes hogs. My husband sent me there to pick up some spices for him. It's a huge place with many buildings. It's a family owned business. The people started it at their farm and it has remained in that same location for years. The hogs are grown at the same location in big covered sheds, so all of the process, from birth to death is conducted right there on site. I drove there to fulfill my husband's request. I pulled up to the office and got out of my car. When I did, I could hear the hogs from some other building squealing like bloody murder. I was surprised. I didn't expect that. It sounded like someone was killing them! I went inside to pick up my package and I asked the gentleman who helped me why the hogs were squealing so. I told him, "It sounds like you all are slaughtering hogs back there." He said, "That's right!"
As I drove away, I began to think about those hogs and the term, "squealing like a pig". It reminded me of two scriptures. One, where Jesus said, "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." Matthew 7:6 and the other, "He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth." Isaiah 53:7. I began to meditate on death and the difference between hogs and lambs. I watched a program on TV a few nights later where lambs were being caught out in a field and shorn. As soon as they were captured, they stopped struggling. They just went limp in the arms of the person holding them and they were silent!
The biggest red flag that we are resisting God is our own anger. I've been squealing like a pig as God has been leading me to the place of death. It's what I want in my heart, but it's scary. It is revealing my double minded ways. I'm ashamed of myself.
Dian Burch
Loudon, TN
Prayer: O Great Shepherd, teach me how to lie down in your arms like a lamb. I do not want to resist you and squeal like a pig when you begin to tear down those things that keep me from truly knowing you. Teach me how to be submissive to the work of your mighty hands. Amen
Prayer Tip: Unconfessed sin is a slippery muck that keeps God's hands from molding us into what He desires for us to become. Always make a time for confession of sin each day.
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